Friday, January 30, 2009

Men and their shit

I hope I’m not the only one that has this complaint. Actually, I know I can’t be because I spend a lot of time at the softball fields with Captain Clueless’ family and friends and I know it becomes a weird competition between the guys because I’ve heard them going through different phrases and laughing. What is it about men that they need to announce their need to take a shit, and the euphemisms they have for it? Honestly, I manage to do “number two” without having to tell everyone where I’m going and what I intend on doing. I really don’t need to know that’s where you’re going. Hell, I probably won’t even notice you’re gone for at least 30 minutes.

If you don’t want to admit it, I’m calling bullshit. Here’s the most frequent list that I am subjected to. Feel free to add the ones you have to deal with.

  • Taking the kiddies to the pool
  • Putting a roof on a log cabin
  • I gotta drop a deuce
  • I'm taking the browns to the super bowl
  • I gotta take a(n) (insert name here) and wipe my (insert another name here)

Oh, and when you’re done, I do not need to know that you’re 5 pounds lighter.


  1. "He went out to commune with nature and a herd of swine came upon him and devoured him." That was courtesy of a guy I used to coach little girls' softball with. Maybe it's the softball field that brings this out?

  2. Taking a heater.

    Makes me laugh every time I hear it though.

  3. It's not just guys, my sister says she's going to take a healthy!!

  4. I just see a wad of newspapers or a magazine and I know what is about to take place...I know this guy to whom I was trying to set up my hubby's step mom last November, well lets just say we heard him say 'poop' one to many times on that visit...totally turned us both off, not that a threesome was an option :)

  5. That's hilarious. And oh, so true.

  6. Since I was 'raised proper' by a germaphobe of olympian proportions I am horrified by the mere mention of bodily functions and would rather DIE than have anyone know that angels do not cart away my digestive refuse. Seriously!

    This is one phobia that benefits all of society and hopefully I have embedded this trait into my four children, two of which are males.

    Madame, I can assure you that one would not find a copy of the children's book Everybody Poops in my house..
    most certainly not!

  7. My husband will come out of the bathroom saying 'I feel better for that!' and if I don't immediately walk out of the room he'll go into detail about weight, proportion, etc. Gross.

  8. It's "Dropping the kids off at the pool"
    I always liked saying "Going to take a righteous dump"...

  9. Oh yeah! I forgot "I have to go check my farts for lumps"!

  10. 'Have you got a match cos it stinks in there.'
    Is a comment I've heard several times...

  11. Downloading with the porcelain god.

  12. My hubby says he is going to "pinch a loaf".