Friday, June 12, 2009

Adventures in drunken visits resulting in babysitting

Somehow I got conned into watching Mini-J tomorrow. A Saturday. Morning. With a two year old. I'm sure that all the 22 oz drafts for $2 BEFORE she sprung the question on me had nothing to do with it.

How many kinds of dumb am I? This is the kid that showed up at the ball park Tuesday night without a having taken a nap all day. We walked up to the concession stand to get suckers & to wear him out. Ha! The only suckers were us. He threw a huge tantrum on the way back and kicked his ball towards the parking lot. Then kicked it again. And a third time, into the lot. Under a car. And went after it. With LMP telling him not to do it all the way. To Bestie I muttered - oh that kid would so get an ass whippin'. LMP retrieved the ball and dragged her progeny back to the diamonds, kicking and screaming the whole way.

Later, when he's in his chair in "time out" there are other kids running around playing. He sniffles.
Mini-J: "I want to go play with him." (everyone is "him" or "her" if Mini-J doesn't know their name.) No response from anyone

Mini-J: "Mommy, I want to go play with him!" Still no response from anyone

Mini-J: "I sorry"

Hoodchick: "That sounded very sincere." about 20 seconds go by

Mini-J: "*sniffle, sniffle* Mommy, I sssorry"

Hoodchick: *snicker*

Mini-J: "It's not funny!"

Hoodchick: "Oh, but it is. What isn't funny is the tantrum you threw earlier."

Mini-J: "Wha-aaaa-aaaa"

What is it about 2 year olds that they have to rely on tears to win a fight?

If he wasn't so darn cute I'd have been able to say NO WAY IN HELL!!!

For those of you busting on my Justin Timberlake love, I leave you this (which is really, really funny if you're up on popular music and in a country that allows you to view this. Seriously, I laughed so hard I farted. Wait a minute, I didn't say that. It was the DOG that farted. Really. Would I lie about something like that?)

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Let me share a secret

I'm a closet Justin fan. I watched his SNL episode and it was the funniest thing I've seen in a long, long time.

If you didn't catch Motherlover you really missed out. But being the kind of friend I am, I included it for those of you that need a good laugh.

Oh yes, and I survived Besties wedding. I'm working on some creative photo editing, but some lazy ass bitches are taking forever to get me copies of their pictures (yeah, I'm talking to you LMP!)

Monday, June 1, 2009

Ass Drag Monday - Bonus Edition

I took a "staycation" last week. Frugal is the new cool, right? Or whatever the cool word for cool is. Anyway, I haven't had a real vacation in 8 years so I'm like Amelia Earhart. Prince. The Sham Wow! (That would be ahead of my time, you bunch of smart asses.)

Why don't I go on vacation? Because we don't want to kennel the dog. I'm not going into all the reasons and details, but sometimes life with a 120 pound dog (who hates other dogs with the exception of my in-laws Rott) can be a challenge. So the summer before last I decided that if I wasn't going to a place with a beach or pool then By God I was bringing a pool to myself.

Last weeks list of activities went something like this:
Clean pool
Lay by pool
Clean house (only because company was coming and saying "clean house" is really a lie - it was more like clean kitchen, bath and living rooms and shut all the other doors.)
Drink by pool with friends
Lay on float in pool nursing hangover
See a softball game
Drink by pool (alone. Which is NOT a sign of alcoholism because it was by a pool.)
Meet friends for lunch
Float in pool
See a softball game - this one is notable because there was a BEER TRUCK!
Accidentally sleep until 11am
Weed a flower bed
Recuperate by floating in pool with a drink
And repeat

Ok, there were also dog walks most mornings - early because for some reason it was already 80 friggin degrees around here last week.

Needless to say, going back to work this morning sucked. Big time. First I had to get out of bed before the sun came up. Then I had to deal with the *deep, calming breath allowing me to not type a string of swear words here* construction zone traffic.

And when I get to the shit hole place that pays my bills, my friends, (I don't have many, so I use that word very loosely) decided to entertain themselves last week by shrink wrapping my desk. Yes, they even remembered to do the scissors.

My poor brain was in so much shock I forgot to take pictures of it before I started the clean up. The thing that almost sent me over the edge was seeing my poor tube of chapstick mummified by all those layers of plastic. Plaaaastic *just went back into vacation land remembering the smell of the new plastic floats*