Saturday, January 10, 2009

Emotionally scarred for life

It seems that one of the favorite gifts my dear nephew's received this year was underwear. The ones under 5. Well, the other ones may have gotten underwear too, and I would have loved to have seen them for the holidays (too bad they live in bum fuck New Mexico) but preferably with pants on.

It started on Christmas Day when Three got to grandma's, removed his coat and then his pants. (Side note - the fact that he is three isn't why I call him that. His name is Something Something Something The Third. Poor kid. That and it pisses my sister off.) Why did he do this you may be asking? Because he wanted everyone to see his Incredible Hulk boxers. My sister (aka Tattle Tale Bitch) lets her kids run around like banshee's while at grandma's so I was surprised that she bothered to spend the whole day making Three put his pants back on.

Fast forward to New Year's Eve. We get to my BIL's house and Mini-J is running around in Cars boxers that he got for Christmas. My SIL said she tried to get pants on him but he had a tantrum 'no, mommy, ka-chow ka-chow' so she gave up. It wasn't such a bad idea on his part. I can remember back in my BIL's divorced days when he barely kept his house warm enough for the pipes not to burst. He was too busy spending his money in bars picking up cheap sluts. (Not my SIL, she isn't cheap at all.) Now it's so hot in there if you wear anything heavier than a t-shirt and do anything more strenuous than sit on the couch and blink you will break out in a sweat. But I digress.

Why did this fascinate me? Because I was jealous. Back when I was a pre-teen Underoos came out. And I really wanted me some Wonder Woman Underoos. I begged, wheedled and whined to no avail. My mom, being a cold-hearted bitch, refused to buy me any. Never mind the fact that my dad had been out of work for a while and we may have been on food stamps at the time.

Wouldn't you know it, TTB, born the same year Underoos were, received several pairs. I was too old for the roos by then but it still pissed me off. Even though our finances were improved by then she should not have gotten any. If my brother and I had to grow up being the only kids we knew without super heroes on our skivvies she should have had to deal with the same hardship. I'm just sayin.


  1. Girl, you are hysterically funny! I love the names you have for your family.

    Websters Dictionary entry for wonder is "rapt attention or astonishment at something awesomely mysterious or new to one's experience". That being said, my opinion is that you ARE a Wonder (woman), just without the Roos.

  2. love this post. I envy kids--they are proud of their underwear--they show the world. Whereas, I'd be treated like some kind of weirdo if I did that.

  3. Debra - in researching this, I found that they now make underoos for adults. So there is hope for me yet!

    Marinka - I don't know, those Victoria Secret models get away with it.

    Jeanne - thanks for opening yet another childhood wound!

  4. I had to wear bloomers which I still have the pair my mammaw gave me to wear at her house...and I need to take a pic of them...the fabric was horrendous, itchy, and mother also made me and my sisters wear hot long sleeve and long to the ground gowns and I would wake up tangled in them with no air conditioning in TX...I hate PJ's but love the choices we have go get your 'roos on!

  5. Around Halloween they sell some pretty cool Wonder Woman outfits- I don't mean anything by this, but it's never too late! You need closure! :)

  6. I agree. I think a costume would make you feel better. This was hilarious!

  7. So I might own super girl underpants (as a matter of fact I might even be wearing them right now).

    Just saying - you can get superhero underpants in adult size.

    Never too late to live your dreams.

  8. I have to ask. Does Tattle Tale Bitch read this or is it our secret?

  9. K - you are just cruel.

    Jan - TTB isn't in on it. And she deserves way worse!

    I did come across some sites for adult roos, and the next time I need a 'me gift' I might buy some!