All aboard

I spend a lot of time making fun of reality TV, but I do watch some. And last night I couldn’t resist watching Celebrity Apprentice. With the people they had on, it was bound to be a train wreck. I wasn’t disappointed.

Let me just say that I had stopped watching this show after the second go-round, mostly because the “winners” were total asshats and the people who should’ve won had all been axed for stupid shit.

They put the celebrities in teams of men versus women and the first “project” was making and selling cupcakes for charity. (BTW - at some point in my teen/early twenty years I was amused by Dice Clay. I don’t know why, my only excuse is that I was young and dumb. If anyone wonders if he’s really like that, or if it’s just his shtick, wonder no more. He’s a complete pig.)

In short, the men’s cupcakes tasted like ass (according to Jesse James) and the women won because, well, their cupcakes didn’t taste like ass.

The thing that really got me was Dennis Rodman. What he was saying about there being a lack of leadership made sense. None of these people are project managers, and that’s why the show ends up being a complete cluster fuck. I should know, this is what I do (manage projects, not fuck clusters.) At no point do you see them actually sit down, write out all of the tasks and then assign people to them. Then all the PM has to do is make sure each of those people is doing what they were assigned.

Sounds simple, right? It’s not. Because in the real world you end up stuck with people like Dice Clay – who refuse to do what they’re supposed to and go off to do their own thing. And Annie the poker lady/cupcake nazi who was worried about how much money she personally could raise to the point of nearly blowing a $9,000 sale. Thank goodness the bosomed bunny was there to keep the buyers interested.

Instead of stepping up though, Dennis just disengaged and pouted like a 2 year old. If I had been in charge, I would have hooked my pinkie through his lip ring, yanked him down to eye level and told him to get his ass out there hustling cupcakes or him and his worthless scarf could go back to the suite.

I doubt I’ll watch another episode because it’s going to be pretty much the same exact shit every week. But I did learn a couple of things. First, I should make everybody on my projects get a lip ring. Second, I need a playboy bunny to smooth things over when I go all psycho-screaming-bitch on somebody’s ass.