Monday, March 2, 2009

All aboard

I spend a lot of time making fun of reality TV, but I do watch some. And last night I couldn’t resist watching Celebrity Apprentice. With the people they had on, it was bound to be a train wreck. I wasn’t disappointed.

Let me just say that I had stopped watching this show after the second go-round, mostly because the “winners” were total asshats and the people who should’ve won had all been axed for stupid shit.

They put the celebrities in teams of men versus women and the first “project” was making and selling cupcakes for charity. (BTW - at some point in my teen/early twenty years I was amused by Dice Clay. I don’t know why, my only excuse is that I was young and dumb. If anyone wonders if he’s really like that, or if it’s just his shtick, wonder no more. He’s a complete pig.)

In short, the men’s cupcakes tasted like ass (according to Jesse James) and the women won because, well, their cupcakes didn’t taste like ass.

The thing that really got me was Dennis Rodman. What he was saying about there being a lack of leadership made sense. None of these people are project managers, and that’s why the show ends up being a complete cluster fuck. I should know, this is what I do (manage projects, not fuck clusters.) At no point do you see them actually sit down, write out all of the tasks and then assign people to them. Then all the PM has to do is make sure each of those people is doing what they were assigned.

Sounds simple, right? It’s not. Because in the real world you end up stuck with people like Dice Clay – who refuse to do what they’re supposed to and go off to do their own thing. And Annie the poker lady/cupcake nazi who was worried about how much money she personally could raise to the point of nearly blowing a $9,000 sale. Thank goodness the bosomed bunny was there to keep the buyers interested.

Instead of stepping up though, Dennis just disengaged and pouted like a 2 year old. If I had been in charge, I would have hooked my pinkie through his lip ring, yanked him down to eye level and told him to get his ass out there hustling cupcakes or him and his worthless scarf could go back to the suite.

I doubt I’ll watch another episode because it’s going to be pretty much the same exact shit every week. But I did learn a couple of things. First, I should make everybody on my projects get a lip ring. Second, I need a playboy bunny to smooth things over when I go all psycho-screaming-bitch on somebody’s ass.


  1. I am a reality show junkie, I admit it. BUT I cannot ever get into this one. Donald Trump needs a new hair style. With all that money, you would think he could get a better sytlist. And his son.....WTF? He is WAY too young to go with the dork hairdo. What a freak!

  2. There's a man who goes by the name of Dice Clay?

  3. Debra - Oh, I didn't even go there. My rant against the Don would end all rants.

    Eryl - Oh yes, the wonderful comedian Andrew Dice Clay. Let's see, one of his poems that I remember started like this:
    Hickory dickory dock
    This bitch was sucking my ...

    And it only gets worse from there.

  4. They have no fear so anarchy results. Is this show format copied from the UK, or was it the other way round?

  5. Might goodness! I might have to check it out next week - sounds more intersting than I would have thought.

    I'm addicted to Survivor. Do you happen to like that one because I think I'm the last person on earth watching it.

  6. K you are the last person. Just kidding. I have watched more of them that I care to admit but last season left me cold and I haven't watched any yet this season.
    I watched a few minutes of the cupcake episode and doubt if I can stomach any more of the Apprentice crap.
    Guess I'm not in a very nice mood tonight so I had better stop commenting now.

  7. I've seen some of your projects, and I beg to differ with you. You've defintely fucked your share of clusters. (Not really, just getting even for the jogging comment.)

  8. I'm glad I can't watch this. It sounds like utter crap.

  9. Dennis Rodman, Dice Clay - those two would be a cluster fuck in themselves.

  10. I wouldn't mind tasting Sandra Bollocks arse or her cupcakes.