Thursday, February 19, 2009

Rules for Life

Jeanne sent out a challenge to her readers to come up with 10 rules for life. Of course I can't do anything normally so (I did some rounding here) I figured I'm about 70% of Jeanne's age so I must only have learned 7 rules worth passing on.

1. Husbands do not find it attractive to catch you mopping up under the boob sweat with the T-shirt you just stripped off after a work out. So be prepared by keeping an eye on the door at all times, ready to fling it into the hamper in a really slick basket shot.

2. Glazed pumpkin spice Krispy Kreme’s do not count towards your daily fruit intake. But boy are they gooo-oood.

3. People who drive 5 or even 10 miles an hour below the speed limit on a dry, flat, straight road are probably: very intelligent, had parents who were married when they were conceived and are physically unable to do the things I suggest. But it keeps me from making rude hand gestures which can get you into a heap of trouble in today’s world.

4. If your kid has to go to the dentist to get a cavity filled, DO NOT let them administer the “goofy gas.” It is more addictive than crack. Your kids will start sneaking sugar covered gummi bears before they lay down to dream of their next fix.

5. Things that really annoy you are probably things you’re guilty of. Like when I am researching a product and there are no reviews, it pisses me off. And yet I’ve never posted a product review. I tried once, but the word verification kicked my ass so I took that as a sign.

6. You can’t change people who are mean, petty, jealous or bigoted. You may have to be acquainted with people like this, but never, ever, mistake them for your friend.

7. Confiscate all cameras and phones before taking a bong hit. Sure, you’re not famous now but if you become famous I hope you will thank me for this tip by sliding me some cash. And I’ll keep the photo to myself.

P.S. I know the link is wonky, but there is something broken when I try to go directly to that day's post. You will have to scroll down to find it. Don't sprain anything.


  1. Girl, you are so funny! Love these, especially #6. That is some of the best advice I have ever gotten!

  2. But you just know all those slow drivers are Oedipus followers.

  3. I love it, and as creative as I can be I could not even make any up!

  4. Love #6 -- and wish I'd learned it younger! Here's the link:

  5. I've been caught in a number one before. The way his face twisted it looked like it was going to pop right off his head.

  6. Why is it I am just now learning of the magic that are apparently these glazed pumpkin spice donuts?!

  7. What is this 'goofy gas'? Why have I never had it? I am depraved.. sorry, deprived...

  8. I agree with everything but the boob sweat, we'd be more than happy to watch that too.
    I know I know, it's pathetic.

    I'll bet that you thought of three more nuggets of wisdom the second that you pressed publish...but you knew better than to press your luck with Blogger.

  9. I know, I snuck one serious nugget in there.

    The gas would be nitrous oxide, but my childhood dentist called it goofy gas. You just can't get a legal buzz like that off anything else.

  10. A good, entertaining list! Some wisdom, also...

  11. Are you sure about #2?

    And I completely agree with #6. It's important to know who is actually your friend.

    Have a great weekend.

  12. I also found number 6 to be my favorite, but I was very glad to find that I am not the only one who has serious problems with word verification. I hate those things.

  13. HoodChick: Love the blog. Good life lessons. Right up there with "don't eat yellow snow" Well done.