Thursday, December 10, 2009

Is that a weasel in your pocket?

Wait a minute. We have to do this right. Go back and read the title again, but with a flirty suggestive breathy voice. "Is that a (pause) weeaasel in your pocket...?" The response would be "Yes missss, and it's llloaded."

There, now you're getting it. Came across this story a while back and had to save it. You know me and strange animal stories, it's like a fetish or something. Although if I had dangly parts I wouldn't be sticking something down there that could take a chunk out of it.

t's one thing for shoplifters to hide plunder in their pants. But a live ferret? Police said a homeless man in north Florida did just that. And he made it out the door before being challenged.
A 17-year-old witness confronted (the homeless man) in the parking lot and was bitten by the animal after the man allegedly shoved it in the teen's face.
That confrontation makes the ferret a "special weapon" under Florida law. So (homeless man) also faces battery charges for dangerously wielding the animal.


See what I mean! It bit that kids FACE. And what the fuck does a homeless guy need with a ferret anyway?

And think about the whole "special weapon" thing the next time you taunt a woman with your trouser snake.

(Authors note: Do not start lecturing me on the differences between weasels and ferrets. I'm on my 4th glass of wine and weasel just seemed to flow better.)

P.S. Brian Kelly, enjoy the money because you've kissed off all hopes of another winning season!!

18 comments:

  1. eeeps!! Sounds awful...and funny, the way you portrayed it!!

    Thanks for visiting my blog! Just came over to say hi!!

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  2. He's lucky the homeless man didn't shove the ferret inside his trousers. That's what gangsters from the east end of London did.

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  3. Reminds me of an old joke about a pet duck, two old ladies in a movie, and popcorn... :)

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  4. may I say I'm impressed that any 17 year old would care to follow a homeless guy and ask for the ferret back?

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  5. You can't actually house train a ferret -- I know this because my neighbor convinced me that you could, and I gave in and let Anne have one. They back into corners and poop.

    And they dance around on their hind legs like a mongoose when a (minimally talented) teenager practices violin.

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  6. It has been a long time. Thought I would drop by and check in with you! Hope you had a great Christmas!

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  7. Being that I'm from NYC I have enough smarts to know that when a homeless man starts digging in his pants to turn and get the fugg outta there.

    Nothing good is about to happen that I need to stick around for.

    I think I've been averaging 3 glasses of wine per day since the Xmas eve. The holidays seem much more festive after my 3rd glass.

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  8. I don't even know what to say to that...and yet felt compelled to tell you that I didn't...but like TBS...very funny.

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  9. Yeah,.. what DOES a homeless need with a ferret? Mind you,.... what do you do to pass the time when you're homeless? Watching a ferret might be cool

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  10. How do you wield a ferret? I'd imagine it'd be difficult to even hold it menacingly.

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  11. I reckon the ferret was in on it the entire time. . . the hobo was a mere patsy.

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  12. Okay, obviously the homeless man stole the ferret to use as a weapon. The 17 year old just provided him an opportunity to utilize it sooner than he expected.

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  13. Life in prison is much more pleasant because I get to read your blog. We have weasels here, but a different kind. Rosie

    inmaterosie.blogspot.com

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  14. Okay, I followed you just because of the name. Good work.

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  15. I hate when people put links in comments--but I wrote about this story a while back ("Assault And Badgery") and I think you'll enjoy it.
    http://murrbrewster.blogspot.com/2009/11/assault-and-badgery.html

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  16. "What? My face? Oh that, right. Yeah, well, one day I tried to stop a homeless guy from shoplifting. Guess what? He had a weasel. No seriously. Yeah, it bit me. No, for real." --weasel-bitten 17 year old in a bar

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