Friday, November 20, 2009


Because life’s been force feeding me a big soggy shit sandwich lately, I’m going to lead up to the holiday with a series of suck lists. Hopefully you’re not dealing with these kind of things so YOU can give extra thanks at my expense.

Things it sucks to have to do with your non-dominant hand (due to surgery on the “good” one – which if it was that good it wouldn’t have needed surgery, now would it???)

• Opening anything – this includes bottles of vicodin, bags of chips, bottles of beer
• Brushing or flossing your teeth
• Anything to do with below-shoulder-length hair
• Tying shoes
• Fastening a bra – or pants
• Trying to hold an umbrella and smoke at the same time - thanks for finally sending some rain this way, beeyotch!
• Turning the ignition of your car - thankfully my current car isn’t a stick shift
• Cutting yourself a piece of chocolate ice-cream cake your BFF was kind enough to contribute to your recovery
• Cleaning – ok, I know that cleaning always sucks but do you know how many square inches of scrubbing you can do before your non-dom arm feels like a rubber band??
• Filling in paper work at the physical therapists office. Seriously people?!
• Folding laundry
• Carrying something into a dark room - no, finding and flipping light switches with my nose is not on my skills list
• Inserting feminine hygiene products - ‘nuff said


  1. In 2007 I fell down while I was drunk and broke my elbow, so I know of what you speak, and comisserate.

    Your "soggy shit sandwich" takes the cake, as it were. Thanks for the belly laugh. Now I have to get back to my wine.

  2. I hear ya, honey! I had carpal tunnel surgery on my dominant hand and could not use it at all for 2 weeks (dr's orders, plus it hurt like hell!).

    Bras are a bugger, aren't they!?!? I can't exactly go braless, so had to struggle with that every single day.

  3. You can have my right hand- don't use it, wouldn't miss it...

  4. Steph - Ouch! I bet that took a long time to heal.

    Ponita - My stitches come out Wednesday, hopefully I can start stretching it around more.

    Buff - How would you have shredded all that yummy pork??