Porn in a small town

I was watching the news last night, and they were doing a story in a local small town about the increase in car thefts. On screen was the local 5-0 asking residents to stop leaving their keys in the car and start locking their doors.

In the background I could see a shot of downtown. And just over the officer's shoulder, a movie marquee. (Remember when there were movie theaters downtown? Before the huge multi-plexes took over?) What was showing?
Push
That Into You

I think they've got bigger problems than car thieves.


For those of you wondering what the deal is with an early, sober, Friday post - some of us girls are heading for a mini get-away. We've got lots of booze, cards, a hot tub and a gas fireplace. Alas, no wifi. But I will have my camera, because that's the bitchy kind of friend I am.

On Wednesday, while LMP and I were leaving a bar (yes, after the wine tasting) a guy stopped me. Whatever he said was lost in the band music so I classily yelled "Huh?"
"Is your name Bev?" he asked.
"Uh, no." I replied.
"Oh. Ok. Sorry." he said.
As we walked away I heard LMP pipe up "Bitch, you so know your name is Bev!"

All I know is Bev is going to the retreat this weekend and she's totally getting revenge on Little Miss Perfect.

Ass Drag Monday

Ok, it's Monday and I'm wiped. I was going to try to come up with something witty, but my brain isn't up to it.

I considered taking a picture of my self-pedicure from Saturday night so you all could get a laugh out of that and guess at how many rum's I had before I finished. However, I was afraid some perv would self-pleasure to the sight of my feet which then really creeped me out and I scrapped the idea. And no, I still haven't cleaned up the mess I made of my toes. Hell, I won't be wearing sandals for months.

So (if I can actually read the writing on this damn recipe) - you are getting these 'super easy' (according to my SIL who cooks AND cleans AND has a toddler AND a job. Really, I thought I liked her but upon further consideration she may need to get a bitchy nickname,)

Apple Dumplings:

2 Granny Smith apples, peeled, cored, quartered
2 cans crescent rolls
cinnamon
2 sticks butter
1 tsp vanilla
1 1/2 cups sugar
6 oz can of Mt. Dew*

Butter 9x13 pan
Roll up apple slice in each crescent, put in pan
Melt butter on stove, pour in sugar. Barely stir together. Add vanilla, don't over stir (should be lumpy & grainy)
Pour mixture over dumplings
Pour Mt Dew around edges and center of pan
Sprinkle w/ cinnamon
Bake @ 350 for 30-45 minutes.

*I know there is no such thing as a freaking 6 oz can of Mt. Dew. I used to drink it by the six pack before I switched to Bud Light. For those of you who need help, 6 oz is 3/4 cup.

Also, 30-45 minutes is a pretty big window. Were they allowing for elevation differences between Ohio and Indiana? I guess if they start to turn a nice brown then take them out. I did eat one over at little-miss-perfect's house, with a scoop of vanilla ice cream, and it was good. They are small, and the fact that I could have eaten the whole pan but I only had 1 means that I didn't ruin my diet. Right??

p.s. To all you lurkers, stop trying to figure out who I am. I will never fess up!